Well hello, I hope someone is reading this, I don't think anyone read the last few blogs I have written, but that's fine I understand you all have busy lives and besides this is as much for me as it is for you my friends. So here we go with an update. I've started the hunt in earnest for a new job. I am seeing that my company is getting smaller by the week, in the last 2 weeks we have had two people hand in their notice and they will not be replaced. Whilst I understand we are in a quiet time right now it concerns me as the more who leave the more likely it is they will see no future for our office. I know others are looking too so the future is uncertain at this time where I am. Also the communication sucks, there were changes made over the 2 days I was off back in March that I wasn't told about until I was talking to my co-worker. It should have been my management who passed it on but I am still waiting for that. It wasn't small stuff either which makes it all the more annoying.
I have of course also just come back from the visit to family in Ireland for my Uncle's 80th birthday which was a nice break from the day to day dealings in work and the like. Where he lives was just perfect (except for Internet connection) for what I needed. He lives outside a town in the Midlands of Ireland called Mullingar, over a mile away from the road and has very quiet neighbours. I also got to see family I haven't seen or spoken to in forever and even got to meet 2 second cousins I have never met before, which was an interesting experience, 
if a little difficult.
if a little difficult.
I managed to get some much needed thinking time in. The trip was a catalyst for thinking as much of the time I was on my own in nature, which always works that way. I realised a lot of things. I miss friends terribly, more than perhaps I am capable of expressing in textual form. Sadly even the Irish friends were out of reach on the trip but I will rectify this issue in a few months hopefully. I worked out my game plan for finding a better job and that has already started, I hope it will yield the desired results quickly.
I mentioned that there were things I realised I missed on Facebook a few days back. Now I can elaborate. I miss being social, but my opportunities for being social with people of similar minds is limited by my location right now. Gone are the days where I would go out and spend my time with the group of people I used to call friends up here in my town. They weren't friends, they were mostly people who had nothing to say and drank too much on a regular basis. I have cut them from my life a long time ago and it seems by the lack of communication from them, they did the same thing a long time ago too.
During my stay my Uncle provided me with a double bed, something I am not used to sleeping in very much anymore, it's now something that happens when I go to hotels. I feel quite odd sleeping alone in one, though I hate to think how many years it has been since I shared a bed with anyone and I will be honest it made me feel that I missed that feeling, even with the person being a platonic friend it's a nice feeling to wake up beside someone you care about in some shape or form. That also in turn made me realise it's a longer time since I was anything but platonic. I've taken myself out of the romantic side of life for a good few years now. Whilst there are women I am attracted to, as far as I am aware there are no reciprocal feelings out there within realistic reach which is sad but not really a lot I can do about it right now. I miss the feel of a woman's body against mine and have horrified myself that I can't even vision what a woman looks like naked in three dimensions anymore. That is truly a horrible
feeling. I've damaged myself a lot by holding back in the past, hopefully this can be repaired though I am at a loss as to how. Doubtless there will be people thinking others or even themselves are to blame, no only I am to blame, I have crumbled when I should have been strong.
Let's get back to more sane stuff though, I miss travelling and exploring new places, if I can find a way of bringing travel into my next job I most certainly will jump at the chance. If I can't bring it into the job, the job will have to be able to fund more adventures in the future. In so many ways I am stagnant that I really need to change, so I can become the man I want to be. Happily for me there have been a few opportunities spotted already, all better paid and all in areas where I can develop my talents so that I can hopefully progress further and end up in a job that will keep me in the style to which I could become accustomed.
I took a couple of days off Facebook earlier in the week, purely because I needed a little break from it, not because of any particular reason, after the changes in the office which left me with a wall for company, I was feeling a bit for want of a better word feel burnt out and irritable I figured it was better to be silent until I felt calm again. As you will have seen I have managed to get calm again and am now focused again on where I am going from here.
I'm thinking about my summer break, not sure as yet if it will be something I can do but I am thinking about either Vienna or Versailles for a few days. Both are on the bucket list of places to go. Hopefully I can mark off a few more things from the bucket list this year, it's been a quiet couple of years on the list. I haven't marked anything off for a long time. That needs to change and it will in time.
When I return to work on Tuesday I am going to be a year in the job and only one more month and I will have my disciplinary record wiped clean which feels really good, as it will be most likely round about that time references will be called in for any jobs I apply for from here on in. I still say my management should have been punished too for not giving me the correct training, in fact my management never trained me, that was left to my co-worker, still last week I trained up someone else to do my job whilst I was away so they must trust me somewhat now.
There has been a bit of mischief this weekend, not from my hand, but from my parents hands those affected already know what it is. My next lot of mischief will be probably in the next pay period but as to what that is, that remains a secret for now.
SOCIALIZE IT →